Category: Humor
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myNA Now Requires 3-Minute Breathing Exercise to Open
By Wesley Brock ‘24, Humor Writer Because mental well-being is one of the founding principles of Newark Academy’s Technology Office, the office debuted a new myNA feature this Tuesday with the goal of decreasing the stress of all NA students. The website now requires a 3-minute breathing exercise to open. This feature is the product…
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We Increased Your Tuition Money To Write This Article
By: Ben Glickman ‘23 Humor Editor, Molly Breckman ‘23 Humor Editor with guest contributor Evan Breckman ‘25 This Money Took Your Parents 2 Months to Earn! (Credit: Shuttertock Images) As many of you know, Newark Academy’s annual tuition increased by $5,000 this year. But very few of you know where this money is going. Keeping…
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Living Alone is Better: A Critique of Young Love
By Michael Wang ’20 and Teddy McGraw ’20, Humor Editors “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” -Blaise Pascal Simply put, humans are not meant to be in a relationship together. The whole idea of marriage was a political construct designed during medieval times to join kingdoms…
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i hope frosty the snowman melts
By Michael Wang ’20 and Teddy McGraw ’20, Humor Editors Yesterday, October 31st, I took a stroll through the Livingston Mall. I pleasantly watched little children jump with glee as they picked out their new Halloween costumes in preparation for a big night of hauling candy and going to bed past 8 o’clock. After such…
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Newark Academy Social Media: the Good and the Bad
By Luca Moretti ’20 and Jacob Amalraj ’20, Humor Writers Newark Academy social media pages: we all let them follow us, but don’t follow back. Sure, if we’re a part of the club, sports team, or group of people behind the page, we’ll follow. But at the end of the day, a student eating chicken…
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Change Makes Me Angry
By Theodore Carlson McGraw ‘20 and Michael Ming Wang ‘20, Humor Editors For the past six years, every school morning started the same way: I woke up, took a shower, brushed my teeth, ate a wholesome banana, and got into the car. I used to walk up the front steps to school at 7:55 at…
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Luv is all you need?
By Michael Wang ‘20 and Teddy McGraw ‘20, Humor Editors It’s time for the madness to stop. And let’s face it, we’ve all seen it. We’ve seen it on countless Instagram and Snapchat stories. “Happy Birthday to my BFF!” “My BFF is going to (Insert College Name Here)! I love you so much!” Well, guess…
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Diary of an Old Middle Schooler
Teddy McGraw ‘20 and Michael Wang ‘20, Humor Writers Dear Diary, Times are getting rough. The future is no longer bright. Our numbers are diminishing by the year. All we have left is the class of 2019, 2020, and 2021. Soon we will be outnumbered, and eventually extinguished. Back in the olden days, we used…
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Men’s Equality – A Path to a More Just Society
Ethan Lee ‘22, Staff Writer In the wake of all the rights movements, we have taken a step backward. Men are no longer equal at Newark Academy. Before you lecture me on my toxic masculinity, hear me out. Whether it’s in attire or athletics, men have been marginalized. This country was founded upon the principles…
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The Class of 2019: A Class to Remember
By Rohan Kapur ‘20 and Kellen Wang ‘20, Humor Editors Every Newark Academy class is special. The Class of 2019 was no different. Whether it was their athletic, academic, or artistic achievements, this class made Newark Academy proud. This class truly was a model for future classes, paving the way towards the light (ad lumen).…