By Charlie Hynes ‘22 and Ethan Lee ‘22, Humor Writers Let’s be real, the freshmen in the hallway are becoming a problem. Every time we try to walk through the hallway, they form a wall, making it impossible to get through the hallway without causing a calamity. Fortunately, we have come up with a number…

By Jack Osmond ‘22, Humor Writer When the S.A.C. was first introduced, some people didn’t think it was a great idea. At first, it was about as quiet as the auditorium after one of Prism’s jokes. Once everyone realized there was birthday cake, however, people flocked there like students flocked to the podium when Dr.…

By Kellen Wang ‘20 and Rohan Kapur ‘20, Humor Editors Daily Mantra I have to say, from my personal viewpoint, in my opinion, without offending anyone, I truly believe that narwhal butter is the source of life and we need to protect it at all costs even if it means having to sacrifice our children…

By Ethan Lee ‘22 and Charlie Hynes ‘22, Humor Writers Inspired by the Launch X Competition, an entrepreneurship competition where students come up with the best possible business ideas, we decided to come up with business ideas of our own. Here are a few of our best ideas. Plaque flavored toothpaste A company that helps…

By Michael Wang ‘20 and Teddy McGraw ‘20, Humor Writers The countdown to December 20th has begun. We can taste the sweet pleasure of the sixteen days of winter break. There is only one thing that stands in our way: Exams. Here are a few simple tips and tricks that you will need to fully…

By Jack Osmond ’22, Staff Writer Halloween should be a time enjoyed by adolescents. It’s a great time to let go of angst and do stuff that you shouldn’t do, ever. While you’re reading this list, it’s important to keep in mind that literally nothing is illegal, because it’s Halloween. Buy some spray paint and…

By the Humor Staff We’re Back! STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER. They’d tried to cut us out, but they couldn’t stop us. Here’s an in-depth look at the new and improved Humor section. Kellen Wang ‘20 – Editor Short, Manlet Lunchtime Basketball Bench Varsity Girls Cross Country Conditions Hair Everyday   Rohan Kapur ‘20 – Editor Millburn…

By Kellen Wang ‘20 and Rohan Kapur ‘20, Humor Editors Daily Mantra: “4 score and 7 years ago it was 1971.”  –Abriel Lincoln Ping pong used to be fun. People laughed, people cried, people sweated, and people bled. The game hosted very friendly competition among people of all grades, helping unite the school under the…

By Teddy McGraw ‘20 and Michael Wang ‘20, Staff Writers Newark Academy is divided. The Hunger Games are about to commence. Only one department will win, all others will fall. Math, Science, History, English, Language, Arts, and Health will all fight to the death. All your favorite teachers…dead. We have interviewed each department. Below is…