Category: Humor
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How to Combat Mass Shootings: A Comprehensive, Five-Step Guide
by Ben Leit ’18, Humor Editor and White Male A note from the EICs: The ludicrous solutions to gun violence proposed in the article are intended to satirize the legislative inaction that has dominated our country’s response to this important issue. Perhaps this article can shed some light on the ongoing debate… In the past decade,…
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Books You Should Read!
by Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Humor Editor Well, it’s that time of year again. With January and February quickly passing us by, people are starting to realize that they completely failed at their ambitious New Year’s Resolutions and are feeling a little, say, worthless. So, they try to bring them back. One of the most popular…
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Add Instruments to LumeNAtion
by Benjy Berkowitz ’18, Staff Writer I’m sure you are all familiar with LumeNAtion. If somehow you are not, it is Newark Academy’s beloved and award-winning competitive acapella group. They perform wonderful arrangements of hit songs like Castle by Halsey and You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful by One Direction. They manage to encompass a wide…
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Vaping: A Good Way to be Cool!
by Ben Leit ‘18, Concerned Citizen and Humor Editor Ahhh, yes. Vaping. Because nothing else screams cool quite like sucking fruity nicotine out of a flash-drive. In case you’ve been living under a rock, vaping and electronic cigarettes are sweeping the nation, and everybody – except for teachers and parents (yuck!) – seems to love…
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Which “Lazy Town” Cast Member Are You?!
by Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Humor Editor Remember that show from the early-mid 2000’s, “Lazy Town”???? Yeah, me neither. Anyways, “Lazy Town” was a totally messed-up and strange show about an 8-year-old girl named Stephanie (who looks more like 12) and her efforts to make her new town less lazy. When she moves to Lazy Town,…
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Richard Thaler Hates Newark Academy
by Benjy Berkowitz ’18, Staff Writer Newark Academy has plenty of alumni to be proud of. For example, take Richard Adeleye, the famous soccer player, or Chris Jacobs, NA’s most well-known Olympian, who medaled in the 1988 Summer Olympics for his record-shattering performance in the 4 by 100 freestyle relay. However, Newark Academy churns out…
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Why the ~Middle School Monarchs~ Should’ve Won Spirit Week!
by Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Section Editor Let’s face it, spirit week is rigged. In my four years here, I can’t remember a spirit week in which I thought any grade that won was particularly deserving, and one group in particular always seemed to have an unfair disadvantage. You guessed it, the middle school. During the…
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Newark Academy Teachers: As Seen on TV!
by Sammi Powell ’19, Staff Writer Some teachers on TV and in movies are seen as evil or boring or rude. Others are portrayed just as characters in the background. But sometimes there are teachers that stick out like the C on my midterms, and we just so happen to have some of these teachers…
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10 Quick Tips for Newark Academy Students!
By Ben Leit ’18, Humor Editor and Registered Nurse I believe it was Alexander MacWhorter who once said, “Boy oh boy, I am so stressed out for this IB Enviro test, I could just murder an endangered red panda! Lol.” Well, as a current NA student in what my mother hopes to be my only…
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A Summer-y of NA Students’ Summers
By Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Humor Editor and Short Person It would be a wild understatement to say that Newark Academy students get excited for summer. After the excitement for convocation dies down, summer planning and complaining about a lack of sleep begin. However, when talking to students about what they did this past summer, answers…