Category: Humor
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An Investigation on the Fidget Spinner Epidemic
By Ben Leit ’18, Humor Editor We are currently in the midst of what one day might considered as one of the most bizarre times in history: we have a good president, sexism, racism, and LGBTQIA discrimination remain prevalent, and last week my mommy yelled at me for knocking over a glass of cranberry juice.…
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Hello!
By Ben Leit ’18 and Ellie Pitkowsky ’18, Jewish Club Co-Presidents Hello, Newark Academy! Our names are Ben Leit & Ellie Pitkowsky, and we are absolutely psyched to be the new editors of The Minuteman’s humor section! See how we used the word “psyched” and ended the sentence in an exclamation point? It’s because we’re…
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An Interview for the Incoming Humor Editors
By Sanya Bery ’17, Section Editor Since this is my last article for the humor section and I’ve done such a good job, I wanted to make sure I was leaving the newspaper in good hands. I decided to reach out to all the junior humor editors to make sure that they were smart enough…
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Tyler Mudge’s Last and First Article
By Tyler Mudge ’18, Actual Chief Humor Editor-in-Chief Tyler Mudge’s Final Article as 2016-17 Editor When I was first recruited to the humor section of the newspaper, I thought it would be a pipeline to making it big. I’d be the next Bo Burnham, the next John Mulaney, the next Bill Cosby. But it wasn’t,…
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Stewart ’22, Learns About the “Soulja Boy” after Umojaa Morning Meeting Presentation
By Tori Molinari ’17, Staff Kiva Club President Stewart, a member of the Newark Academy Class of 2022, has been a dedicated dancer for as long as he can remember. His mother often reminds him that he was dancing before he even came out of her stomach, as she fondly recalls him kicking inside…
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An In-Depth Study on All the Humor Writers
By Sanya Bery ’17, Section Editor Hey hey, I’m back! I was told by the Editors-in-Chief that my next article couldn’t be self-deprecating (apparently it’s unfunny, boring and slightly concerning). But, in the midst of all this I was insulted! Can you believe it? “Good luck writing a humor article if you can’t make fun of…
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Cups, Cups, Cups!!!
By Benjy Berkowitz’18, Good friend!!! The Oxford English Dictionary (which the library pays $295 dollars a year to subscribe to) defines the word cup as “A drinking-vessel, or something resembling it.” Now, we all know this don’t we? We drink from cups everyday to intake various liquids such as water. That’s great and all, but…
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We Asked the History Department What the Strangest Thing They’d Thrown at A Ghost Was
By Anne Ruble’17 and Ezra Lebovitz’18, Staff Writers Amy “Mama Schotts” Schottland: “I’ve never thrown anything at a ghost, honey. That isn’t really what the humanities are about.” When asked what the humanities were, in fact, about, Ms. Schottland proceeded to mumble nervously about the cosmic womb and wondered aloud whether we had some work…
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Being The Worst Snowboarder You Can Possibly Be: A Comprehensive Guide To Making Skiers Miserable
By Jackson Powers ’20, Staff Writer I’m sure many of you out there have always wondered: am I living up to my full potential as a snowboarder? Is there a better way to use my utter disregard of mountain etiquette to ruin and hopefully injure innocent skiers? This guide will answer all of these questions and…
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The Truth About the Bell Hertz, Doesn’t It?
By Benjy Berkowitz’18, Cool and Nice Guy and Also Friend! Good at Humor. Once again I find myself writing an article about the bell. My last exposé was ignored by the staff, but no matter. I think these articles belong in the news section because of the major weight they hold in the Newark Academy community. Anyways, this…