Category: Humor
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I Serve Because…
By Anne Ruble’17 and Ezra Lebovitz’18, Staff Writers I was asked to tell NA why I serve. I wrote from my heart but apparently my heart isn’t “PC.” These are some of the rejected ones below: – I serve because: I firmly believe that Ms. Fischer has been secretly stealing all of my silverware to…
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10 Bells that Would Easily Beat Ours
By Jackson Powers ’20, Staff Writer Sometimes, here at NA, we need to be reminded of what’s important in life. By that, I mean the bell. We xenophobes here at Newark Academy must stand against this tyranny if we ever want to restore peace to our halls. Here is a list of 10 bells that…
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10 Reasons Why NA is the Best
By Amit Kundra’19, Staff Writer 1. The people. There are so many different types of people at NA. From the people who are good at life to those who are not to those who have no idea what they’re doing so they decide to write for the humor section of the newspaper because why not,…
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Which Newark Academy Math Teacher Are You?
By Ben Leit ’18 Staff CVS ExtraCare Member Earlier this month, I was approached by my favorite Newark Academy redhead, Tyler Mudge, and he me asked to write something for the school newspaper. At first, I was confused. Me? Little old Ben Leit? The star of the musical? The guy who’s playing Gabey in the musical?…
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Behind Closed Doors: A Morning in Administration Office
By Tyler Mudge ’18, Staff CDO Salesman The following is the transcript of two Newark Academy faculty members in the Administration Hallway in an on January 5th 2017 at 7:30 AM. I did not ask permission for putting a recording device in an office, I assumed no one would mind. Their names have been changed…
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A Day in the Brain of Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy
By Jake McEvoy ’18 Staff Psychic Detective (like that show Psych, that’s a good show) A new addition to the math department, Mr. Lockhart-Gilroy is adored by his students and the faculty around him. Whether it’s teaching trigonometric ratios, or reminding us that the human brain will soon be replicated and we will all be killed…
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My Grandpa’s Words
By Danny Lifson ’18, Staff Writer When I was five years old and my grandpa was in his prime, he would sit me on his lap and say to me, “Listen boy, you are going to make a name for yourself one day.” Then he would repeat the same piece of advice to me… every single time…
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Video Games: A Global Crisis
By Jackson Powers ’20, Staff Writer Every year, the population of our nation battles many forms of addiction corrupting the people around us. But recently, there have been more and more cases of a new threat to our society: video game addiction. Many people get lost in these virtual worlds for so long, that they…
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Tick-Tock: How the School Day is Ever-Lengthening
By Benjy Berkowitz ’18, Staff Writer A day is full of uncertainties. Whether it is, “is this math test going to be hard?” or “is society just a big cube confining me?”, we have so many questions and hesitations in our daily lives. But one thing that remains constant for us, as the students of Newark Academy,…