Category: Humor
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NA Administration Holds 5th Annual Backpack-Stealing Competition
By Jake McEvoy ’18, Staff Writer “Let the games begin!” hollers an exuberant Ms. Galvin, defending gold medalist of this year’s most popular competition. This year marks the fifth anniversary of the NABSC (Newark Academy Bag-Stealing Competition), and is possibly its most ambitious year yet. Board of Trustee Gene A. Waldorf along with the rest…
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Top Ten Reasons Why Tyler Mudge is the Funnier Humor Editor
By Sanya Bery ’17, Humor Editor He has a long neck. He doesn’t have a finsta with a dumb username where he posts things like this: Instead, he has a rinsta where he tells us things we need to know like this: (also look at that follower-to-following ratio) He doesn’t get texts like these…
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The Greatest Conspiracy to Ever Be Uncovered, and It’s Right Under Our Noses: Some Hard-Hitting Journalism by Tyler Mudge
By Tyler Mudge ’18, Humor Editor Newark Academy is an old school, and with a long tradition comes a long history and many secrets. Some books hidden deep in the library describe an infamous treasure hidden in the walls of the school, a treasure that is protected by Alexander Mcwhorter, the founder of this great…
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Was Revolution Week Revolutionary?
By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Humor Editor There has been a lot of discussion regarding the merits of council’s attempt to educate the student body on current issues plaguing our generation. This attempt culminated in “Revolution Week,” which consisted of four consecutive days followed by a lone Monday solely dedicated to raising awareness on various issues. This ‘lone Monday’…
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PREVIEW: Mono Video
By Dylan Flanagan and Noah Nazmiyal Please note that everything in this article and everything in the full Mono video to come is completely true. Everything stated is accurate information on the Mono “outbreak” at Newark Academy. Editor’s Note: Please ignore the italics above Noah and Dylan made most of this up. In the upcoming set,…
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Times You Felt Uneasy in the Cafeteria (2% milk, 98% uneasy)
By Adina Gitomer ’15, Staff Writer 1. When the cream cheese suddenly starts looking like lettuce. 2. When quotation marks are in the exact place you wish they weren’t. Sureeee, we’re going to have “Sushi Appetizers”. Yeah, those are “Sushi Appetizers”. *Wink* “Sushi Appetizers,” said Mr. Brower. 3. When they yell the lunch menu at…
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A Backpack Tale
By Noah Nazmiyal ’16, Humor Staff Writer It was 4th period, and I left my backpack in the L to quickly grab something to eat before I went up for my Chemistry Honors (emphasis on Honors) class. When I walked back to get my backpack, it was gone. I was confused as I distinctly remembered…
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Reflection on The #Voting Process
By Lila Rimalovski ’15, Humor Editor Given the extreme excitement and enthusiasm that emerged at The Academy regarding #Voting Day in November, I figured it would be fitting to gain some insight on the process from a few distinguished Newark Academy #voters. This month, many reflected on the event and happily shared insight with me.…